Teaching Kids Independence: Practical Tips for Modern Parenting

Have you ever wondered if your constant hovering might stifle your child's growth? Join us this week as we reflect on the fine line between being a supportive parent and turning into a "helicopter mom." I'll share my journey of stepping back and letting my kids take the reins on responsibilities, like my sixth grader's school event. 

From practical tips like getting kids to manage their own laundry to more nuanced strategies for balancing screen time, this episode offers insights to guide them toward becoming self-reliant individuals.

Let's take a deeper dive into teaching our kid's practical life skills, especially those that connect them with nature. I'll share some of our family's favorite hands-on activities, from changing a tire to mowing the lawn, and discuss the vital importance of fostering resourcefulness over focusing solely on specialized activities. This summer, let's pivot towards growth and learning through everyday tasks and new experiences. Whether you're a seasoned parent or just starting out, this episode is brimming with tips and strategies that will help your children develop a sense of accomplishment and independence. Join us for a conversation that promises to transform your approach to modern parenting.

Chapters

• 0:30 Empowering Kids to Take Responsibility
• 16:41 Encouraging Growth and Skill Development

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:30

All right, my husband was right. My husband is right, and it's not that I'm one that doesn't apologize. I've gotten better at it. He's a much better apologizer than me, but I have to give it to him this one. Summer is here and I'm reaching out today to all of the moms.

Speaker 1: 0:57

I actually just got back from volunteering at the last day of school for my sixth grader. They had an amazing race. It was really. It was quite fun, but I just looking around and there had been over five feels felt like hundreds of kids at that race and interacting with some of them. You know some more than others and all different kids, all different backgrounds, everything. It just shined some light on a discussion that my husband continues to have with me over and over and over again, and that is the helicopter mom and the mom that does everything for her kids. Now I want to preface here that, on a scale of one to 10, one being I don't even look at my kids 10 being ultimate helicopter mom, I'm going to put myself at six, seven, some good days five, some other days eight, because I know self-proclaimed helicopter moms and I am not that. However, to my husband's point, I do a lot for my kids that they very, very, very well could and should be doing on their own. So, and it became very evident to me earlier today when I was around all these sixth graders, that I'm sure there's some moms out there that are just in the same boat. And I'm here to give you permission. I'm here to give you permission to go back 30 years or so, give or take, to when you were growing up.

Speaker 1: 2:39

Now I don't know about you, but both my parents worked and it wasn't from home. So how did the summers go at my house? Well, usually you wanted to have a job, or you were babysitting, or you were running around with your friends. After you got your chores done and all that stuff, food was not laid out for me. I did not have a written, unless it was get this done before your ass leaves the house, type of a note. But I didn't have meals planned out and already made and all that stuff. I was just like grab a bowl of cereal If I was hungry, I figured it out. If I wanted to make something elaborate, great. If I didn't, I figured whatever easiest out that sounded good. So bringing me to today Now this summer I have a. My oldest is out of the home already, so he's on his own. He's going to be 20 this year, so left in the home is a 15-year-old and a just about 12-year-old Now.

Speaker 1: 3:45

I started nannying and babysitting when I was 10 years old. Looking at my kids now, I love my kids. My kids are amazing, amazing human beings. I mean, the parents that have met them and that they've hung out with for the very, very most part have only great things to say about them. So I think that my husband and I tend to do more than I should in that laundry. So I just taught my 15-year-old son how to do his own laundry, 15 years old.

Speaker 1: 4:29

Now, if you are continuing to do your 15, 16, 17, 12 year olds laundry, I'm going to challenge you, because I would collect it all, bring it to the laundry room, sort it, wash it, dry it, fold it, get it back into their rooms. Maybe they put it away, maybe they didn't, and I do that at least twice a week. So why can't they do their own laundry? Well, the answer is they can. You just got to make them. And meals yes, I get my 15-year-old out of bed, I make him breakfast, we make sure he has dinner, lunch, you know all this stuff. He has dinner, lunch. You know all this stuff. Don't have to do it, they can feed themselves. They won't starve.

Speaker 1: 5:22

And think about the other things that you do. Do you make them pick up after themselves If you are cooking dinner? Do they pick up their own dishes? Do they do the dishes? Do they put dinner away? You know the thing that kind of broke the straw, that broke my husband's back. Excuse me if you were to say that was when I was cleaning up dinner and our kids are sitting on their phones in the other room aimlessly doing whatever on their phones while I'm cleaning up dinner, because he's the cook I'm clean up. It just doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1: 5:58

Point two screen time. I don't know many parents that aren't battling screen time. I know one because she actually hasn't bought her daughter a phone yet. Kudos to her. However, for the rest of us out there, man, is this a problem? We are raising a generation that doesn't look up from their phones. So I implore you, I give you permission Lock the Wi-Fi, change the password until they do what it is they need to do for the day. I saw that and thought it was genius. Mom leaves a note on the kitchen table. As soon as everything's done, you get today's Wi-Fi password, boom, amazing. Maybe that's too extreme for you If you work from home may or may not work.

Speaker 1: 6:52

And what can you do? What can you do to take that phone away, to take the screen time and really get it down to an hour to three hours a day? Going back 30, 35 years, I biked everywhere, I walked to the beach when I didn't have a license, like we were out of the house. We didn't have phones granted. However, think of all the experiences you had growing up that many of our kids are missing out on because they're sitting on screens. So we've started to. It was so funny. I was like put your phone down and we're going to have a conversation for 20 minutes, and if you don't want to talk to us, that's fine. You touch that phone, it's gone for another hour. And if you touch the phone within an hour, it's gone for the rest of the night. And you just kind of teach them to stay away from their phone, because even my husband will call me out I'm on my phone often and he's just like you're almost as bad as they are, and I'm like, okay, once again you are right, so model it as well.

Speaker 1: 7:59

If you want your kids to do differently, it starts with us. But think about this summer. Think about what you can do to challenge your kids to start learning new trades, whether it's cooking, whether it's cleaning, whether it's, you know, starting a business that they can do. I mean my son's looking at reselling shoes, my daughter's looking at babysitting like. Help them start something.

Speaker 1: 8:27

And another thing that came up that Bob Proctor taught me is decision. He said most of the people that he works with and most of the people walking around, they don't know how to make decisions because all of their decisions were made for them. They don't teach us how to make decisions in school. So this is really up to us.

Speaker 1: 8:54

Parents out there, moms out there, can you encourage and stand by, stand idle while your kids make their own decisions, knowing that it might not be the one you would make for them, it might not even be the right one. However, let them make it, let them falter. Let them, you know, fail forward or fall. You know fail forward or fall, trip, skin their knees. You know all of it. And just be there to support them, but don't make their decisions for them and hold them accountable. You know, stop waking my son up for school If he doesn't get up and if he misses the bus. That's his choice, that's his issue. He's got a phone, he's got an alarm, got an alarm clock. Set them up for success and if they make the choice of not doing what it is they need to do to make the right decisions that will get them from where they are to where they need or want to be.

Speaker 1: 10:02

We got to start letting them fail. We got to start letting them show up for themselves and when they ask a question or they're wanting to know what you think they should do or this happened or that happened put it back on them. You know we just want to either we're hurried or we're rushed, or we just don't want to sit down and take the time, or, you know, to just not tell our son or daughter or kids what it is they should or shouldn't do. It's a process that you haven't done or you haven't done at a high level. I really encourage you to. You know, reach out if you need to talk more about what that system looks like and the process looks like, because it is a process.

Speaker 1: 10:51

But read a book, google it, whatever you need to do, but decision making. You know, thinking real rich that book. There is a whole chapter on decision that if you actually studied would take you probably a half a year to a year to actually understand it, because so many people just read a book and they think they read the book and understand it. They just gathered information. You know, to study something and to really understand it is through repetition. So if you need to know, learn or know more about decision making, check out that chapter in Think and Grow Rich. I think it would help quite a bit.

Speaker 1: 11:30

But we just have to. We have to look at how we're showing up and parenting. And if this isn't for you and if you are that top tier parent, kudos to you, because I lose my mom of the year award weekly in my household. So it just hit me today and I've been thinking about it and my husband's voice is going over and over in my head about how I have to back off, how I have to stop doing everything for our kids or they're going to be living here and not going to be able to take care of themselves when they're out of here. And he sat down and had a conversation. He's like you know, I want to be your parent now and your friend later. I'm not your friend now Because if I'm your friend now, I'm going to be your parent forever and your friend forever. Parent forever and your friend forever Because we need to parent our kids now. We need to show up for them as they need us to, not how we want to.

Speaker 1: 12:31

So it is hard and it's hard being a parent and sometimes us as parents. I know I have taken the path of least resistance because it's easy, because I can just get it done, because then I don't have to battle, because I'm tired, because I just want it done my way, all the things, and that's not going to help them in the end. That's just going to give us a quick fix for getting something done and off our plate and through the day. But in the end I mean I have to say my husband's right, be their parent now so I can be their friend later. Because he looked at my son. He's like you are 15 years old and your mom is still waking you up for school and making you breakfast. He's like you got to stop it. I'm like but I love being a parent. He's like yeah, well, it can change and it can shift and you can try things differently and you can do things differently, if only half the week or half the time.

Speaker 1: 13:34

But I have to take responsibility and give my children the chance to figure it out themselves and know in the end they're not going to starve to death, they're not going to flunk out of school according to where they're at right now and at the same time they will learn. They'll learn that oh, if X happens, then Y happens and it equals this, and if I want it to be different, then I have to switch that around. So there's a different answer at the end. You know, if they don't wash their clothes and there's something they want to wear and it's dirty sorry you didn't wash your clothes, but I don't need to be the one to do it. I don't need to be one running around like a chicken with my head cut off, just trying to get everything done and putting more on my plate, when I have two very capable kids that can do a lot more than I am. Not even necessarily giving them credit for just allowing them to do, because I just do it, because it's just done and it's easier, and then they can go out and they can run around and do whatever they want to do, because I'm doing all the other stuff.

Speaker 1: 14:52

So this podcast is for you, if any of this resonated with you, because I know that it's just something that continues to come up in our house, and today is the last day of school, so I have a summer ahead of me of very interesting things that are going to take place and going to happen. I am going to challenge myself as a mom and as a parent to let my kids fail, to let them make decisions that I know are not going to. You know, because we can see for we can see ahead more than they can see ahead of what's going to happen, you know. Encourage them, but in the end, let them do it their way, as long as it's a safe way, and we'll see what happens. And let them set their own alarm clock. Let them remember things they need to remember. Let them be responsible. Limit the screen time, do all the things I've said I'm going to do and haven't.

Speaker 1: 15:54

So I'll check in with you all throughout the summer and let you know how it's going and make a comment or reach out to me. I'd love to be held accountable as well. By no means is it going to be perfect, by no means is it going to be easy, and I know that, and the house will be a little chaotic at times when I'd rather have some order. And that's got to be okay as well, because, yeah, if I don't change and things don't change, then my husband's right, we're going to have our kids living here well into their 20s because they're not going to know how to do anything outside of this house, because I'm doing everything most everything for them and that's, in the end, not fair for them.

Speaker 1: 16:41

So reach out if you have any questions. I would love if you would comment on you know, what you're going to try to do differently, or if this has struck a chord or brought up anything for you. You know we got to stick together and we can get through it together. We can do it together, but I just, you know I'm looking for also some advice, guidance. What have you done that works well? What are you going to try, or what maybe you try this summer that worked or didn't? I love it all. So let me know and we'll yeah, we'll be in touch soon on the subject, and happy summer to all the moms and grandparents and aunts and uncles and all the people out there.

Speaker 1: 17:29

Yeah, go find a kid and introduce them to nature. Get them out there and get them interested in something that you like to do. Show them a new trade, show them a new skill, show them something that's going to give them something, even if it's just something that they can use down the road, where it's just a good thing to have in the back of their mind. You're changing a tire, mowing the lawn, starting a machine Even the little things that I used to do all the time as a kid, that my kids don't do or don't have to do or don't know how to do, make them do it, make them try it and make them do it over and over and over again until it becomes second nature, because they need to have these skills and be resourceful and we need to stop letting them just do everything that they want to do, or they're this athlete and that's all they need to do, because they have to focus on this.

Speaker 1: 18:28

That's BS and we all know it. That's just excuses, because we know all. Growing up, I knew so many kids that didn't have it all and didn't have it all done for them, and we're still amazing, amazing people and athletes. So again, I'm making all the excuses, I'm stopping. I encourage you to and let's check in and, yeah, have a.